what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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