a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
