2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
