scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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