why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
