Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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