It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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