This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"