Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
