How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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