I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
