Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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