So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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