eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
