This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
