my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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