i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
