I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
