hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
