Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
