He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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