Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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