Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
