Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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