last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
