You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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