i think my tv is drunk
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
