I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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