I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
