watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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