I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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