Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
