we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
