I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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