You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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