I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
