Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i now understand why vodka
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
