This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
