i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
