I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
