i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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