On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
