Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
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I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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