I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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