Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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