Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
