Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
