Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
pray to the hookup gods
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
