so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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