Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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