respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
