I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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