I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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