I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have feelings that need drinking.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
