And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
