All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
