Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
