o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
