I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
