why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
pray to the hookup gods
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
