Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
