Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
