she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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