i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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