This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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