I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
