dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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