Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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