...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
