i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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