My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
