Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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