Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i think my tv is drunk
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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