I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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