I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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