The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
