The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
